5 Reasons We Should Be Kind

Through tears she said 'I just think we need to be kind to each other.'  This was one of the hardest things I have ever heard from my wife.  I had always thought I was a good guy, never harmed her or even though about it, yet something in how I was acting was giving my wife the reason to suggest that kindness was not being shown to her...by me.  Decision time, right?  If kindness is important to someone I care about, it was going to be important to me.  Full disclosure - I am not one who is naturally kind so this was going to take some work.
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Take a look at people around you, not people on the news or stars but the people you interact with every day of you life. Who makes the greatest impact?  Who influences the most?  Who gets things done for a 'greater good?'  Who do you want to emulate?  I would bet if you created a list and then named the characteristics of these people, kindness would make that list.

What do you think of when you hear the word kindness?  Do you think that it is more aligned to weakness or strength? 

Kindness As The Hidden Superpower.
The deeper I dove into researching kindness, the more I was sold that kindness is a superpower.

So many people I come across in leadership positions have bought into the idea that kindness is the opposite of leadership.  How can I lead when I am kind, people will take advantage of me left and right.  Kindness however is different than being a pushover and letting others do whatever they want.

It seems that leaders, parents, coaches can exhibit kindness and still hold people accountable.  According to research kindness has more to do with emotional intelligence, empathy, agreeableness, compassion, trust and consideration.  When we say a person is kind or nice, the true definition is open for strength and dignity, which are things not often thought of in this discussion.

If kindness builds trust that is huge because trust is the river in which great leadership moves.  This raises a large question:  What other good things does kindness produce?

Here are 5 reasons why we should be interested in kindness as a life skill to develop.

1.  Kindness Increases Our Emotional Health
Simply put, we are more happy when we are kind to others.  Our bodies are thought to produce the chemical dopamine in our brain which is known to create a positive mood.  Doing kind acts creates a 'Helping High' similar to what is know as a 'Runners High' because it increases the levels of dopamine in our system.

The writer of the ancient book of spiritual wisdom in the Bible, Proverbs said it this way -

Your kindness will reward you, 

but your cruelty will destroy you. (11.17 NLT)

Acts of Kindness make both our brains and our souls feel better.

2.  Kindness Is Good For Our Physical Health
A byproduct of kindness is called 'emotional warmth.'  This positive emotional sense releases a hormone know as oxytocin in our bodies.  Oxytocin is know as the catalyst for reducing blood pressure, therefore protecting your heart and reducing the level of free radicals in our body and the levels of inflammation.  The point is, even though I am not a scientist, good things begin to happen to our bodies when we demonstrate kindness.

Proverbs 17:22A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (ESV)

3.  Kindness Helps Us Have Healthy Relationships
Rick Warren once wrote, "Let’s put it this way — if God gave you a dollar for every kind word you said and took away a dollar for every unkind word you said, would you be rich or poor?"  

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.  (Proverbs 15.1 NLT)

Marriage expert John Gottman research showed that 96% of arguments that started harshly ended badly.  Arguments and disagreements are inevitable, but being civil and kind is the only way to work to a resolution.

Treating people kind, speaking to others with kindness, demonstrating kindness even in disagreements all go a long way to building healthy relationships.  Think about it, do you like being around people who are mean to others? Do you like being around people who are mean to you?

When arguments heat up, kindness always calms down the room and allows for people to use sound judgement and come up with better solutions.

A study led by the Barna group discovered that 75% of people 18-30 agreed with this statement:

It is hard or next to impossible to have a good marriage these days.

I bet the reason they are saying this is that they saw relationships that did not have kindness as a value.

Gottman who has been studying marriages for over 20 years can accurately predict within minutes 91% of the time, if a couple will end up divorcing. Showing kindness on a consistent basis was the key for marriage success.


4.  Kindness Helps Us Be More Productive

The level of our success is limited only by our imagination and no act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.  Aesop

In a study conduced in the UK by Monarch, people who were kind rated themselves as a 8/10 in productivity where those who were not nice at work rated themselves as a 4/10 in productivity.

As a lacrosse coach I see this everyday in practice.  Players shut down and have a difficult time learning plays and techniques if they are being harshly confronted by a coach.  The players go into 'fight or flight' mode when they are confronted with a lack of respect.

This study was conducted by a professor at Goldsmith University, Jonathan Freeman who concluded that nice people will be healthier, happier and even earn more than others.

Kindness pays!

5.  Kindness Is Contagious
Unfortunately meanness also is contagious. I recently had a conversation with a co-worker who was concerned that the office bullies meanness was rubbing off on them and clouding their judgement.

Yet study after study concludes that when we do a kind deed, the people who witness that act are more likely to treat someone else kind.  When we do something good for another person it is similar to what compounding interest does in our retirement account. Think of a stone thrown in a pond and the ripples it causes.  That is the power of kindness.

I would love to hear your stories of how kindness has had an impact on your life.

(P.S.  It is working for me!)