1. Eat some humble pie - I am very aware that much of the conflict I have encountered over the years is largely my fault. I know it takes 'two to tango,' however; in order to deal with conflict I have to realize I bear much of the blame.
2. Never email in these situations - Dealing with conflict over the email is plain stupid. Much of communication is non-verbal and people cannot read emotions (no matter how many smiley faces and hearts you put in your communication). A face-to-face meeting is always best to deal with conflict. Use email to set up meetings, but never to resolve conflict.
3. Deal with people as individuals - many times folks might bring other people into the conflict, people who are not there. This is simply not fair to anyone involved. If someone brings up another name, just simply state you plan on visiting with them about this later and want to focus on the present company at this time.
4. Don't wait - dealing with conflict is never fun or easy. When I deal with a troubling situation my heat is beating and palms are sweaty...but it is better than sleepless nights. Every time I have dealt with conflict head on, in person and when I find out about it...no matter the outcome I have felt more human and slept like a baby.
5. View the other as your advocate - many times you can learn a great deal about yourself by what other people will say in a 'conflict-resolution' setting. We all have 'blind-spots' and conflict helps us see them. If you are willing to meet and share your feelings, better be willing to listen and try to understand the others' feelings. It may take a few days to process what other people say, especially if it is difficult due to the intensity of our emotions and that is fine. When we view the other person in our conflict as someone we can learn from, personal development and growth takes on an entirely new perspective.
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