In 1925 George Leigh Mallory was a British school master and socialite, with a good dose of arrogance he decided he was going to ascend the unconquered peak of Mount Everest. He fully committed to the task. When a reporter asked him why he intended to climb this mountain he replied ‘Because it is there.’
On June 8 the 38 year old father of 3 young children and his companion Andrew Irvine were seen starting up the mountain. That was when they were last seen, until 75 years later in 1999 Mallory’s perfectly preserved frozen body was discovered by an American mountain climbing team.
Commitment is great, however what we commit our lives to is pretty important. Some may say Mallory died being committed to living adventure, while others (his wife and kids) may say he committed to the wrong thing.
What are you committed to? Does your marriage reflect a healthy commitment?
What is presented in the Bible as a healthy and life-giving relationship is very different than what we would find on TV or in the movies.
- When was the last time you saw committed love in a long term relationship between a husband and a wife elevated as healthy?
The world’s way to build relationships-
- Seek the right person
- Seek the right feeling with that person (‘Fall in love’)
- Seek to be made complete by them (they meet your needs)
- When this does not work leave start over at step 1
The commitment to this process of building relationships is to one's own happiness and fulfillment. In my observation this strategy is not working very well. There is another option to consider.
[2] Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)
If something is not working it is a good idea to create a new plan.
God’s way (or the alternative the Bible presents for us to consider)
- Become the right kind of person
- Learn to love the way God loves (committment)
- Seek God and find fullness in God
- When this does not work start over at step 1
Some of the best relationship advice I have ever heard was: make a list of the type of spouse you desire and then commit to becoming the type of person they would be attracted to.
In this strategy the commitment is to the other, developing oneself to serve the other.
In this strategy the commitment is to the other, developing oneself to serve the other.
The only way marriage works is if both sides are 100% committed to serving each other. This does not mean there is no disagreements or hard times in the marriage. This does mean that whatever happens the couple stays true to the other. However when divorce is taken off the table through shared commitment, relationships can flourish with growth.
Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long
after the mood you said it in left you.
How do you get the mood back? (check back and I will tell you soon in another post).
The 3 Commitments that will Save Your Marriage.
1. I commit to make my spouse a priority, by making our relationship a priority. Commitment means CONCERN - ‘lay down our life’ show others important...place value on their feelings, on their thoughts/hopes & dreams.
My life’s goals ambitions and plans have to take into consideration the other people in my life.
(1 John 3:16) This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
Action Step: Plan on spending 15 minutes each day ‘debriefing’ each other on what happened. Be concerned about what went on in your spouse's life. Learn to ask 4-5 questions to your spouse about their day (every day).
2. I commit to make our relationship a priority - commitment means TIME. When my son was little he would sit down beside me, put leg over mine, grab my face turn it toward him and say Daddy, are you ready to talk? He needed my full attention which he translated as my love.
Commitment - best summarized by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved the pig was committed.
Action Step: As you are planning your weekly or monthly calendar, ask your spouse what time they need/want from you and put it on the calendar first first.
3. I commit to protect my spouse. Commitment is looking out for the other; commitment means ANTICIPATING their needs.
(Psalm 121:7 NCV) The LORD will protect you from all dangers; he will guard your life.
Action Step: Ask your spouse where they feel vulnerable and listen intently. Make this a serious matter of prayer and ask them how you can help. Every day for the next 30 days pray for your spouse. It will create a habit and change the way you view your relationship.
Love is actions that lead to feelings, never the other way around. Commitments that are placed into action lead to feelings that will continue a lifetime. I would love to hear from you about how you live our your commitments to your spouse.
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