What is Coaching?

I am asked a lot, 'What is this coaching stuff?' Although professional coaching has been around a while, a lot of people have images of an athletic coach, a drill sergeant or a counselor want-a-be when they think of professional coaching. None of these images reflect what professional coaching is or provides.

The International Coach Federation uses the following definition of the coaching process: Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performance and enhance their quality of life.

The definition of coaching I prefer is : Coaching is a partnership that turns hopes and dreams into plans and progress.

In the true sense, a professional coach can help someone by listening, asking questions, giving attention to goals and helping them devise a game-plan to win at life.

Some topics for coaching:
How do I develop a spiritual growth plan?
What is the best way to set goals for my employees?
How can I improve my relationship with my brother?
What do I do to add value this week to my team?
How do I worry less?

You can see the potential coaching topics are endless, and they are decided by the coachee! That is the beauty, the coach is not dictating what the coachee should do, but together they are discovering a plan of action to tackle the need. Very, very cool indeed!  

Wise, Foolish & Evil: And how to Deal with Each

Have you ever wondered why you can't get through to someone in your organization?  Or why your child simply does not listen to you?  Has someone harmed you or your business?  Knowing what type of person you are dealing with will help save you time and energy.  The book of Proverbs in the Bible is about as practical a book as you can read.  It is all about wisdom and how it applies to life. Proverbs highlights three types of people in the world:  Wise, Foolish and Evil.

I am assuming that you are wise for the simple fact you are reading this blog.  Wise people are not perfect, they are simply trying to learn, grow and develop.  The distinction of a wise person is that they are not happy where they are and they want to improve so that their lives improve. Wisdom is putting knowledge into action.  Most people in leadership positions can be counted wise.  Because if they are either foolish or evil they won't stay in leadership positions for very long.  I would go as far as to say, if you want to be a leader the pursuit of wisdom must be at the center of your personal development plan.

A Lesson from the Little League Fields I will Never Forget

I learned something this weekend at my son's baseball game.  First, I am a lacrosse guy, which automatically puts me in the anti-baseball category.  I have made it through 2 kids without spending time at the little league fields, not so with number three.  He is in 4th grade and has never played baseball before, in fact prior to Saturday he has only  attended one organized practice.  We thought Fall Ball would give him a chance to learn the game from right field.  Most of his classmates on the opposing team have played at least 3 years of organized baseball.  My son woke up nervous, but determined to play.  He played first base the first inning and did fine, missed a couple, caught a couple a wash.  He came up to us as he was getting ready to bat saying, 'Coach says I am going to pitch.'  I said, 'No way, just go back to the dugout and get ready to hit.'

My wife got nervous, went to the coach and reminded him that he had never played before, this was literally his first time to ever put on a 'cup.'  Coach just said, 'he will do fine.'  Does he know something I don't because I have played catch with the boy in the front yard.  My wife was visibly nervous, went to the other teams bleachers where she knew a ton of moms and although she won't admit it my guess is she was pre-apologizing in case our sin hit their sons.  If she could let them know it was his first time to play, they might night honk at her in pick up line at school.

Well it was a 5-5 ball game.  My son was nervous, but he was not backing down from the challenge.  It almost looked as if he was excited about the challenge.  He was not as seasoned on the mound as the other boys, but he actually had some control, he threw some strikes, he did not hit any of the other kids.  To be honest I was amazed.  He would have had 2 strikeouts if the catcher had not dropped the 3rd strike.  And even with the other coach screaming run to the kids on base, each time my son wound up, he did a great job.  After two innings 10-10 (you guessed it there is a 5 run limit 15-15 final).  I was amazed, and convicted at the same time.

The boy took an opportunity to go do something completely new, with threat of ridicule and failure looming large on the horizon, and succeeded.  How many times have I not tried because I was more scared of failure than excited about a new adventure?  Can't wait till next Saturday.

showing up or SHOWING UP

Are you going to show up today?  This is a question we each have to answer every day. Showing up is the first step to success.  You can stay in bed or you can get up and get out into the world.  But once you get out what are you going to do to contribute to the world. Are you going to just show up or SHOW UP with everything you have? There are two options when you show up, be there in body, or be there with all of who you are.

I have worked with a lot of people who have just shown up.  I have observed them in church, I have seen them at practice on the ball fields, I have noticed them out in restaurants.  I have been one.  The difference between showing up and SHOWING UP is evident to everyone around us, an obvious trait.  The penalty of just showing up is missing out on life, missing out on the contribution we can make and receive in life.  That is a big deal.

We each are created in the image of God and have something to bring, to add, to contribute.  When we don't we cheat ourselves and others. When we SHOW UP and engage life happens.  SHOW UP and change the world, we need you and you need we!

The Power of a Routine

[caption id="attachment_377" align="alignleft" width="225"] Taken on day 1 of new morning routine[/caption]

No one can create more time, it is impossible. I do think that we, especially me, can use time more efficiently. While on vacation I was trying to eliminate hurry from my life and was a bit overwhelmed. I read two different blog posts that helped me start the process of changing my behavior. One post was on the Art of Manliness blog, the other on Michael Hyatt’s blog. They both dealt with the power of having a morning and evening routine.

T.H.R.I.V.E. - Gaining INSIGHT from Others

The 4th component to thriving in a vocation or ministry setting is gaining INSIGHT from people who are ahead of me on the path.  This summer my son and I climbed Mt. Bierstadt.  About 250' from the summit the path disappears and you have to navigate boulders to get to the top.  Now I know 250' does not sound very far, but this is 250' straight up in the air, with no visible path.  My son had long left me and was waiting for me at the summit, and all I had to guide me were a few folks who were ahead of me on the mountain.

How to Identify What I Should do! T.H.R.I.V.E Part 3

I have been thinking a lot about my responsibilities in life. How in the world can I THRIVE as a pastor and as a person without defining what I am supposed to do with my time. I have always been a goal driven individual, and then when I entered the local parish over 6 years ago, the ‘tyranny of the urgent’ took over how I spent my time.

I have finally broken free from trying to please everyone because I realized I never will and started to focus on my responsibilities. What am I supposed to be doing with my time?

How to Keep a Joyful and Nourished Heart. T.H.R.I.V.E Part 2

The life of the Pastor can be brutal. My wife was listening to a Christian talk-show where a former pastor had left the ministry for the business world and was so adamant about never returning to the pastorate. He was angry and although not directly, he blamed the church for his departure. I have been in ministry almost two decades and have seen some harshness in the church, however I have never seen a minister leave their post where there was complete blame on the church. The reality is that we ministers have a responsibility to keep a joyful and nourished heart no matter what our circumstances are. This takes effort and toughness, and it will pay off with a stronger ministry and a happier life. Sometimes we make things way too difficult in the Christian life. Keep it simple, sacred and sincere and good things follow.

1. Forgive quickly - Look church work is hard and people will harm us. People will say things to your spouse that are inappropriate and judge your kids with completely unrealistic criteria. This is wrong and it hurts, yet we have a command to forgive those who harm us, especially those in the church. If we don’t we won’t be able to experience forgiveness.

 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22 ESV)

Be quick to forgive others and your family will love your new attitude. Sometimes this means standing in front of a mirror, opening your palms and saying… ‘Lord I forgive _____, and let go of the wrong they did to me.’ (And then repeating the process daily until your emotions line up with your will.)

2. Pray often - Brother Lawrence wrote his book about practicing the presence of God when he was cleaning kitchens and toilets.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.(John 15:5 ESV)

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. (John 15:11 ESV)

Church work is hard and life in the role of a minister is beyond our ability. We do not have enough skills or abilities to do God’s business. However when we pray, when we listen to God we remember that it is God’s work and it is fun.

Teresa of Avila once said that God is not really silent, we are just deaf. Nothing brings joy to our hearts and energy to our work like spending time with God. Make prayer the center of every task, meeting and visit. A prayer before working on a sermon, a prayer on the way to a hospital visit or stopping the board meeting to prayer reminds us God is in charge and we need to listen. (This also takes a lot of pressure off!)

3. Work Hard - One of the hardest jobs I had was working at a Baptist Encampment. The hours were long and in the off-season the tasks were dirty and exhausting. However each night I went home feeling the glow of putting in a full days work and knowing I had accomplished a task. There is nothing more rewarding than working hard, however in the church so much of our time is responding to needs that it is easy to look back at our day and wonder what we accomplished. I think following a work-flow system is essential, whatever it is…I still love Covey’s 7Habits and don’t think you can beat it. If you don’t plan the work you will do, you won’t do it and there is nothing worse than going home wondering if you made any difference or accomplished a thing. Take an afternoon and plan how you are going to plan. Hard work brings joy!

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.(Colossians 3:17 ESV)

4. Use Trusted Counsel - being able to pick up the phone and call someone to talk about our ministry issues is not just a good idea, it is healthy as well. I have a couple of trusted mentors that I talk with a couple times a year. They have given me great insight without being judgmental and more often than not give me questions to wrestle with.In fact I am still in ministry because a friend took me out to Braums, bought me an ice cream and asked me point blank, ‘Has God removed your call from the ministry.’ Having someone who has been through the same things we deal with in ministry to talk with on a consistent basis is awesome. Consider getting a coach or mentor to help you walk through some issues. (Be ready to buy their lunch or pay them something for their time and expertise if this moves beyond an occasional call). Your denomination probably has some folks who are trained and ready to help you along.

Realize you are not alone and you can have a nourished and joyful heart in the midst of the most difficult ministry seasons. What would you add to this list?

The Call - Part 1

 This post is in response to a previous post where a mentor of mine told me one needed three things to be a pastor:  a divine call, a close walk with Jesus and thick skin.  

Starting advice:  If you are not called to pastor a local church don't ever, ever, under any circumstance take up this job!  In fact run like the wind in the opposite direction of any church that comes your way even if you have the credentials to pastor.  However, if you are called to be a pastor of a local congregation, jump in with both feet and get read for the greatest adventure of your life.

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC

     "I was called into the ministry."  I don't know if I can describe 'the call' to pastoral work to someone who has not experienced it.  The call I have experienced is to serve as the pastor of a local church so my thoughts and comments will be limited to this specific assignment.  I choose the word 'assignment' carefully because this is what it is; in my experience it is not an option, I have no choice in the matter, little say as to the location, it is a place God has designed for me to serve for however long God decides.  I have surrendered to being a pastor and I serve at God's pleasure.  At times this call feels unfair, like constraints on my freedom of choice, yet it is as Buechner has said, where I experience the intersection of my deep gladness and the world's deep hunger - and that is a great place to live.

Why Coaching Works

Coaching works, it just does.  It is hard to explain until you experience the process.  When you work with a coach your are listened to and if the coach is good they listen deeply to every word you are saying.  In a world that loves to hand out quick and sometimes unsolicited advice, this is worth the fee alone.  Several minutes where you can talk about a problem, an issue, something you need to retool...very healthy.  Being listened to is powerful, but when you have someone on your side who desires your best asking you deep, probing questions...questions you have to answer the coaching process kicks into high-gear.

These questions are not being asked in order to further an agenda they are being asked so we can discover our agenda, the best one for us.  Think of it, having someone ask you questions who is totally for you.  By verbalizing solutions to our problems, solutions that come from our own context, not imposed from another person, we can fully own the steps, fully embrace the steps toward scaling the heights toward potential.  And finally knowing a coach, a flesh and blood human being, is going to ask us about our progress the next time we talk is built in accountability that seals the deal.  Coaching is the real deal...I highly encourage you try the process.

The Best Advice Ever - For the Preacher

When I first entered full-time ministry as a youth/associate pastor I thought I knew everything.  I was naive, arrogant and a bit prideful...ok full of pride, 100% grade-A prime pride.  After all I was in seminary, reading all the cutting edge books, attending the conferences led by change agents in the church world, I knew how to run a church.  I secretly analyzed the pastors who I served with and knew that when I got the chance to be the pastor I would know what to do and be the next hot commodity on the conference circuit.


How clearly mistaken I was.  After a couple of years 'behind the pulpit' I called one of my mentors, Barry Camp who faithfully led a wonderful church for over 20 years (all of which were done so with conflict, strong-willed people and all the other trappings of a local church).  I called Barry for some advice and a shoulder to lean on, also to apologize to him for being a youth pastor who thought he knew everything.  Barry must have sensed in my voice and by the tone of the conversation that I needed some advice and he graciously gave me the best advice I have ever received from a pastor.

'Chris, if you are going to make it in ministry as a pastor you need three things; a clearly defined divine call, an intimate relationship with Jesus and thick skin.'

These words echo in my mind every Monday when I drag into my office with a 'preaching hangover' and every time I wonder how I can keep at the hardest vocation I have ever been a part of (and one that I love to be a part of with all my being).  You know as well as I do that being a pastor is a full-contact sport and as wonderful a vocation as it is, it is difficult.  I think that there is a great deal of wisdom in listening to pastors who have made it to retirement cleanly-without scandal, faithfully and with integrity.  More than anything, in 20+ years I want to look back at this ministry God has granted me without regret, with dignity and humility in a life given and ministry accomplished cleanly.


Over the next couple of posts I am going to develop and discuss the three ideas my 'pastoral guru' laid on me a couple of years ago.  Here's to making it cleanly through!

9 Things Music Ministers/Worship Leaders Wish their Pastors Knew

 I am very fortunate to have a wonderful and talented friend who leads worship at the church I serve and I look forward to having that relationship strengthened over the years.  I was at an area wide pastors lunch the other day because I thought the topic being discussed was very interesting.  A Music Minister was speaking about what those who lead worship wished pastors knew.  Realize that attendance at this pastors lunch was much lower than it had been the previous four times I attended (in fact about 1/4 the amount as the week before).  The music minister's current pastor was there and I know them both and they have a great relationship.  Below are the points I took away from his talk.

1. Get the right fit - find the right person for music ministry - even if it takes a long time


2. Grow together - pastor and music minister encourage and challenge each other


3. Understand differences in nature of jobs - Pastoral task the lone ranger, a lot of individual work.  Music ministry is done in posse's using accompanists, rehearing together, gathering ensembles and musicians (all of which takes time).


4. Pastor needs to give time for possee to prep...no last minute requests...music needs time prep/thought...and it takes weeks and months for quality.


5. A Gift for a Music Minister - a preaching plan with several weeks/months laid out with Scripture passage and topic. As much info as can give.


6. Be aware of crisis moments and take advantage of them....there will be problems/mis-communications use these to build relationship not tear it down.


7. Allow the  Music Minister to be expert in that area - they were called to serve, let them use their talents.


8. Always be cheerleader and supportive of Music Minister/a defender of mm...Worship in the church is both powerful and volatile.  At times the Pastor needs to say to members who might have a criticism about the music, '...thats what I would have done...'


9. Be relational, both Pastor and Music Minister desire the same thing and if working together and communicating this can be a powerful combination in any church.

Breaking Free from Email

I love email. I hate email. I have become a slave to email. I was a late adopter to a smart phone (and am thinking about ditching it) and once felt that it would be a blessing to be able to receive and respond to emails anytime, anywhere. I was wrong, so wrong. In fact I noticed a habit forming, the random act of pulling out my phone and checking my email multiple times a day. All I know is that this is neither an effective or productive way to handle email. My decision was to control email and you can to in a couple easy steps.

1. Remove any audilbe email notification (from phone, tablet and computer). If it dings, it gets attention.

2. Remove any visual email notificatin (from phone, tablet and computer). If it blinks, it gets attention.

3. Check email 2x each day. I check when I get into the office and then within an hour of when I get back from lunch. It is a good idea to let your coworkers know this so they can adapt. (And there are other times when I need to check for a file, but they are few and far between...not a legalist)

4. Get rid of email from your inbox, just like you would snail mail touch it only once. Either reply, delete, delegate/forward or file. I have very few files on my gmail because it has such a good search function. Right now I am pairing my files down to one: Processed Mail.

I am in the process of Email detox and have found that I can concentrate more on my work, and engage more in my relationships. Give it a shot and let me know how it works.

What ways have you found to help manage email?

3 Immediate Benefits of Listening to Different Voices

I wrote a trusted mentor to ask some advice on improving my preaching. His response was to start listening to African-American preachers. In case you did not see my picture on this blog, I am white...my darker skinned friends in fun have called me 'lilly-white' before much to my dismay. I did not expect this advice from my also 'lilly-white' mentor but was so glad he sent it my way. This brings up the point I am trying to communicate in this post, there is a great benefit in listening to different voices.

Different voices are simply those who are not like us but have something to say about our vocation. My vocation is preaching, but this same principle works in sales, education, coaching and any other profession. If we are going to reach our potential, we have to listen to people different from us.

I tend to be a narrative preacher,

I do not use a lot of points in sermons or lists. I also tend to show too little emotion and need to work on connecting with my congregation. So I have started listening to preachers such as Ralph West and Gardner Taylor. I just finished a book on preaching, Doctrine that Dances by Robert Smith which every preacher should read. I have also began to listen to selected sermons on the website theafricanamericanpulpit.com.

I tend to be less directive in my leadership and communication than I need to be. I stared listening to and reading John Maxwell. He is simple, too simple, so simple that I can hardly implement what he is teaching. I don't like lists, Maxwell lives in lists, created the list. I also started attending the Leadership Summit that Bill Hybles puts on. My tribe tends to frown upon this type of leadership, however my tribe is starting to die and needs to (present company included) start listening to other voices.

When I intentionally give myself over to different styles, backgrounds, cultures, with the intention to learn I have noticed three specific benefits.

1. I learn something new - I know this is not mind blowing, but have you ever noticed how even the non-comformists of our society dress alike, drink the same beverages and all use apple computers? When I intentionally hang out with other crowds - I learn new skills, ways of growing, phrases to use. Just this weekend I preached a five point sermon and for a revovering narraitiveite...it felt very good.

2. I uncover blind spots - People who are like me have my same problems. If I surround myself with voices, books, lectures, mentors who are comfortable to me I will never see where I fall short. When I listen to voices of different personality, background , ethnicity, I begin to see places and feel places in my life where I am lacking a skill or ability.

3. I cut down on my own arrogance - The one think I know is that the more I learn the less I know. There is so much information out there waiting to help me, to help us develop and take one more step toward our potential. When I open my ears to a different voice, one I am not used to, I grow and my capacity expands...the process of humility takes off.

What other benefits have you found to the 'other voices?' I would be interested to what 'other voices' you are listening to and the vocation your are in.

How to Defeat the Post Sermon Grumps

This is a phenomena only known to preachers and their families. It is quite common and has many negative side effects. The symptoms are clenched jaw, scowl, sharp headache, shortness of responses, sharpness of response, irritability, exhaustion, depression, hunger and a overall feeling of incompetence.

If you, oh expounder on Scripture are wondering what has happened to you...know that you are not alone. These are all the feelings that preachers have on a Sunday afternoon even when a good sermon is preached. It is PSG, Post Sermon Grumps . I have had them every Sunday since I took the reigns behind the pulpit. My wife and kids know to tread lightly around me, it is something that overtakes me as soon as I walk in the door when coming home from church. No amount of caffeine can cure it!

Preaching is hard work, I have to laugh when someone says 'well you just work one day a week. ' The pressure we preachers place on ourselves is overwhelming and the pressure we collect from other people adds to the overall feeling of being inadequate. After all we get up and preach about a perfect God, knowing we are imperfect...we get up after studying all week and prayerfully working out a sermon...only to get everything we said analyzed and critiqued by most everyone who is hearing it. I have had church members ask me if my ears were ringing because I was (oh and the sermon) the topic of conversation over lunch and it was not pretty. I am not complaining, this is all part of the territory I live in, however noticing the PSG's and dealing with them can really help your home life and your overall job satisfaction (not to mention your ability to enjoy a good football game).

It has been said that preaching one sermon produces as much stress as a and expends as much energy as working a full 8-10 hour day. I have had my own lawn-sprinkler installation business, worked as a commodity trader, ran a large non-profit and can agree with that statement 100%. Here are a couple things I have noticed that help minimize the PSG's.

1. More preparation - much of the stress felt after preaching a sermon is due to lack of preparation or at least not being pleased with how the sermon flowed. Not having said something we intended to say, not connecting with the audience both are frustrating. I have noticed the more work I put in on the front end of sermon preparation, the less PSG I experience. I try to work through the sermon 3x, and pray through the sermon 1x prior to delivering it.

2. Take self less seriously - there is no way we will ever measure up to what we are preaching...that is why we rely on grace. I study preachers and in every sermon I have listened to, the preacher has messed up somewhere in the sermon. If we focus on 'hitting singles' (good quality sermons), we can remove the stress of trying to 'hit them all out of the park (and potentially striking out a lot).'

3. Communicate carefully - This is specifically for your family. Your spouse and kids need to know how you feel when you come home from church and deserve to know why you are grumpy. Take some time telling them what you need to do when you get home on Sunday and I bet they will help you out.

4. Rest - you can minimize the PSG's but they will never fully go away, it is the bodies way of detoxing from the adrenaline or so they tell me. Give yourself the permission to rest, relax and just be...enjoy the hard work you put in during the week and listen to your body. In time the PSG's will go away and you will be ready for another week.

My wife told me after our first two children that she would let me know when she was ready for another one. She said that she would have to forget the pain and remember the love. Every Monday I can relate to what she says in a small way...because I come to the study, forgetting the strain of delivering a sermon and the PSG's and remember the love I have for the people I am serving, the God I am serving, pick up my Bible and excitedly start it all over again.

How to Establish Trust

Trust is hard to earn and easy to loose. I was visiting with someone a few years back and said, "I have been at my current position for two years and I don't feel as if I am trusted." My lunch partner said, 'why should people trust you?' It was not an insult, it was not an attack, it was his statement of reality. In any profession, in any relationship trust is essential for growth, communication, work, success and especially reaching ones potential.

1. Trust comes in time - trust is built over time and we can't expect to have it from day one. In any position, especially new positions, people we deal with have been burned before and they are waiting to see if we are going to be a flame the fire, or flame the organizational potential. Don't expect to be trusted overnight.

What is T.H.R.I.V.E

Some folks have been asking me what T.H.R.I.V.E.  stands for.  A couple years ago I felt the need to become more effective in my ministry position. I started developing a framework of self-improvement that I could use in my context and came up with what I call the T.H.R.I.V.E model.

T = trust, establishing trust within the congregation.
H = heart, keeping a joyful, nourished heart.
R = responsibilities, working to become effective at the tasks I am given.
I = insight, learning from people 'ahead' of me on this path.
V = values, defining my own and uncovering the church's.
E = encouragement, recognizing my need for it, and getting it in the correct places.

I quickly realized that the local parish is a wonderfully difficult place to live in and work. I read (and still do) leadership and church growth books and realized that I needed to work hard at translating what I was reading into the context of a local, smaller church setting. My situation is so different than any other parish in the world, even the one that is  just down the street.  Missionaries call this contextualizing their ministry. In every job I have every had, there is a common denominator to any problem I every experienced, ME!  So I identified these six areas and decided if I was going to make it for the long-run in ministry, I needed to develop in them...I needed to change the only person I could, ME!  It is interesting because I found that if I made a conscious effort to work on these areas, many other areas I was not focusing on were helped a great deal, and my work at church became richer and more meaningful.  I started having people come up and say, 'I felt what you were talking about today,' or 'you reached my heart today.'  I even had more and more people start calling me 'pastor' which is a home run in my field.

Thriving in a ministry setting has much more do with who we are or our 'ethos' than what we know.  I would love to help you through this process, and you can see how under the coaching tab of this blog.  If you are interested in working thorough this THRIVE model, please email me at chriscobb.us@gmail.com and we can get the ball rolling.

What ways have you learned to move from coping to thriving in your ministry setting?  What are some of your 'tricks of the trade?'

Dealing with Difficult Personalities

How do you go about dealing with difficult personalities? This was a recent question a colleague posed to me.

Being able to deal with difficult personalities is a key to my vocation, the ministry. It seems that churches seem to attract people who have strong personalities and are not perfect. You have heard it said that when someone comes to you looking for the perfect church the proper response is to tell them when they find it, don't join it or they will quickly mess things up. The reality is that we are all very different and all difficult to deal with at times. However we are going to be successful in serving people, dealing with difficult personalities is a special skill that needs to be learned.



Below is how I responded to my friend and hope it is how I respond to others, especially those with difficult personalities.

1. Constantly reviewing my ‘call’ to serve, not to be served. I remember visiting with an older Methodist minister and she always said, "I serve at (name of church)." In our leadership crazed country where everyone has an agenda to push, I thought this perspective was very meaningful, especially because leadership in the church is different than any other organization.

2. I try to find value in every person. Kelly (my wife) taught me this skill, sometimes even making it a game. I remember in Waco the ‘drop off teacher’ who welcomed the kids each morning at our kids elementary school never smiled. Kelly and my daughter deciede to ‘attack her’ with kindness.' They gave her notes, other small gifts and finally ended up giving her flowers one morning. This hardend teacher of 30 years broke, she started smiling whenever she saw Kelly or my daughter (and sometimes me).

A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship; and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Basil

3. I also employ win-win thinking, a great concept outlined by the late Steven Covey. I realize that even my "great ideas" need refinement and I can learn from other people. Through the process of negotiating for everyone to win, difficult personalities are looked at from a positive angle.

4. I don’t ‘back down’ but respectfully state my case/idea/though/opinion. I don’t want to be a doormat, and want to move forward so being strong and sharing my opinion is an important part of the process.

5. Sometimes, you just can’t win, as a minister you get criticized often, you have to take the insults, mean words, gossip and realize....it might just be happening to thicken your skin (which is one of the 3 essential things for being a minister).

6. Finally, I do talk about difficult interactions with Kelly, and we usually end up laughing and trying to find humor in the situation. If I bottle them up I tend to start resenting the ‘other’ instead of making room for them.

Bill Hybles once said that the hardest person you will ever have to lead is you. When we can remember that we are just as difficult as everyone else seems to be, I think we are on the road to being they type of person who can deal with others who share in having difficult personalities.

10 Things to do Immediately to Become a Better Preacher

1.  Pray through your sermon before you deliver it.
2.  Listen to a preacher outside your tradition.
3.  Read a preaching book by Calvin Miller (even if it is a re-read).
4.  Rehearse your sermon prior to delivering it 2 times.
5.  Start working a preaching system (planning ahead of time).
6.  Summarize your sermon to your spouse, and listen to their reaction.
7.  Journal your thoughts or feelings about your sermon prior to delivering.
8.  Imagine how two different people in your congregation will hear the sermon.
9.  Pray with your spouse on Saturday night that God will use your sermon to change lives.
10.  Realize that it does not need to be a home run...singles will do.