5 Reasons We Should Be Kind

Through tears she said 'I just think we need to be kind to each other.'  This was one of the hardest things I have ever heard from my wife.  I had always thought I was a good guy, never harmed her or even though about it, yet something in how I was acting was giving my wife the reason to suggest that kindness was not being shown to her...by me.  Decision time, right?  If kindness is important to someone I care about, it was going to be important to me.  Full disclosure - I am not one who is naturally kind so this was going to take some work.
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Do I know God, or KNOW God?

I heard the story about a traveling Shakespearean actor.  Every summer he would perform as a one-man show reciting classics with skill and a dramatic flair.  The actor was gifted at his craft and audiences grew and grew as the summer went on.  Each evening he would conclude his performance by a dramatic rendering of the Twenty-Third Psalm.  His enunciation was perfect, his emphasis on certain phrases exquisite.  Without fail, when the actor was finished with reciting the Psalm, the entire crowd would stand to their feet with a thundershower applause.
     One evening when he was about to introduce the Twenty-Third Psalm, a hand shot up from the audience.  The hand belonged to a young lady, a teenager really. She humbly asked if she might have a try at reciting this Psalm.  The audience was quite large this night and for a moment the actor hesitated, not wanting to give up the stage.  He was take off-guard a bit and read the crowd as wanting to hear from the young girl.  What could it hurt he thought to himself, an amateur would only make his performance that much more powerful the next evening.
     The young lady made her way up to the stage, stumbling on the top stair.  She regained her balance and turned to the crowd.  She cleared her throat and started to speak.  When she finished reciting the Twenty-Third Psalm there was no sound, no applause, no standing ovation.  All that could be heard was the weeping of a crowd that did not have a dry eye.

To the astonishment of the actor the crowd stood and left in silence.  
     He ran up to the young lady and asked her what she had done to move the crowd, had she trained somewhere, did she have experience an acting tutor?  He had to know....
She kindly and quietly responded, "Sir you certainly know the Twenty-Third Psalm, I however know the Shepherd."

The LORD Is My Shepherd - A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23 ESV)

Amen!

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How to Move from Spiritual Distraction to Focus

Do you ever feel distracted, divided, a little anxious about life? Recently during a time of self-reflection I noticed a growing sense of unrest.   

After a bit of thinking and praying I self-diagnosed my problem (I do have my Doctorate in Spiritual Formation so this is the one area I can be useful in).  

I try to read through the bible each year (By the way there is a guy in my church that has done this for over 50 years and only not made it 3 times #myhero).   I found myself more excited about getting through the ‘assignment for the day’ and accomplishing something than I was absorbing and learning from what I was reading.  After each ‘bible reading session’ I would feel a sense of accomplishment for a moment, yet a growing unrest would stick with me through the day.  

I found this to be very helpful during a difficult day.  Hope you enjoy!

Top Soccer Shootout Ever With Scott Sterling - Studio C (Original)

I have not laughed out loud more in a long, long time.  It is good to laugh!  Enjoy 5 minutes of fun!

Why The Preacher is Involved in Lacrosse Coaching

I pastor a small but vibrant church in Fort Worth, Texas.  We are in a very diverse community and to be honest our church is in a tremendous stage of transition.  I think many churches are in the same boat: a neighborhood that has changed demographically and trying to figure out how to serve this new reality.  When I came to my current place of service, I was committed to the long haul, begin here until God moves me.  That is not just preacher talk for being here until a better deal comes along.  Other opportunities have come along and I have said no to them.  I am serious about the call I have received from God deal.  On my taxes I am 'self-employed' but I view this as being employed by God. Only God (or a church that is mad at me) can move my employment.  Don't get scared if you are not a church person, it is not as mystical as you might think.  This however is not a post about my real-job but a post about my involvement in something very different, a local youth lacrosse organization.

Lacrosse is relatively new to Texas, I played while growing up in Virginia and a little in clubs while in College. Lacrosse is growing like gangbusters in Texas, because there are great athletes, great weather and a lot of people moving into Texas from the North East (where lacrosse is very established).

A couple of years ago I found out that my dad had played on a National Co-Championship Lacrosse team while he was at West Point.  A fact he failed to tell me when I was picking football as my sport and a fact that I often let him now know would have changed my life if I had known this when I was choosing college (I would have pursued lacrosse instead of football).   My son and I were watching the NCAA Championship lacrosse game and he turned to me and said, 'I would love to play lacrosse.'  It was a great timing for me; I needed something to be involved in outside of church.  Pastoring a church is all consuming and you can burn out very quickly, so with the OK from my wife we started the Fort Worth Youth Lacrosse Association.  There are 5 benefits to my 'real-job' that I have experienced from my connection with this program.

1. Connect with Community - through my volunteering with the lacrosse program I have met literally hundreds of people, many who do not go to church.  One of the dangers of working in a church is that you become isolated among church people.  My time at FWYLA has allowed me to have meaningful conversations with people who have no interest in church what-so-ever.  They are usually very surprised to find out that I am a pastor.  However, so far they have been pleasantly surprised.  A few of them, especially the kids have said, ‘Hey, you are pretty cool for a priest.'  They may not come to my church (although I wish they would/and a few have attended) but if I can help them see ministers as normal and approachable, maybe they will go to a church with a new perspective.


2. A distraction - I was at a preacher meeting a few years back, where a pastor, George Mason from Wilshire Baptist in Dallas suggested that every pastor needs a distraction.  Being a minister is one of the most stressful jobs in America...fact, end of discussion.  So George studies and follows the Texas Rangers.  He said he knew the players, their stats, their interests...it became his 'other thing' his distraction.  You may not realize this but ministers get criticized, talked about, called at night and early in the morning, on days off and holidays.  It comes with the territory and it gets very heavy at times.  Having a distraction eases the burden, so we can respond to the negatives with grace and peace.  A preacher having a distraction is essential for longevity in the ministry...mine is youth lacrosse.


3. A new cross-training platform for leadership - I have learned to develop a website for lacrosse, we needed a new site at church and were short on funds, and I put my new skills to work.  I watched a coaching video about leadership and mission; I implemented a new leadership structure that helped our church get healthier.  I had to tell a coach they could not work with the kids because of their actions, I learned the value of training and communicating expectations at church.  When you learn and grow in one area of your life you can implement those skills in other areas of your life...true leadership cross-training.


4. A place to practice my faith (intense) - Working with teenagers and their parents is a privilege and responsibility.  Many families on our teams are not followers of Jesus.  I am.  How I respond and react to them, especially in the intense moments of a game or a parent frustration, how I react to a referee or opposing coach is a great indication of where my spiritual life is.  Am I taking my Christian beliefs into every area of my life or only playing Christian in church.  One of the dangers of working in a church is that you can fake it and be nice church person on the church campus and jerk off church property.  I don't ever want to be fake and coaching kids is a great laboratory to put into action my Christian beliefs.


5. Time with kids - 'you only work on Sunday's' is a common misconception of Pastors.  Preparing a sermon for 50 or 1000 people takes about the same amount of time.  From start to finish roughly 15-20 hours.  Add in meetings, phone calls, interruptions at the office, planning sessions, visitation, small group bible studies...the list goes on, it all adds up to a very busy and full week.  One of the first things to go if you are not careful is time with your own kids.  One of the ways to schedule time with them is to coach their teams and be a part of their lives.  No matter what anyone says, no church member is going to raise your kids for you.  (Someone wiser than me told me that one day).  I coach my kids so I can have appointments with them and be involved in their lives.

What is your diversion?  How has it helped you as a pastor?  I would love to hear and learn from how you handle these issues.

A Morning Prayer

[23] Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! [24] And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalm 139:23-24 ESV)

5 Surprising Benefits of Joining a Small Church

Many of my friends have left traditional, smaller churches.  I am talking about churches under 100 in Sunday morning attendance.  I have had the opposite migration.  I have been a minister and a member at both larger and small churches.  When I was a minister at a larger church I was arrogant and looked down my nose at smaller churches.  Now that I am a pastor at a small church I have had to work through being arrogant and looking up my nose at the larger churches that 'steal' our members and have youth ministry budgets larger than our entire church budget.

While I was on sabbatical last summer our family visited several larger churches and saw that they are doing a great work.  For a long time I had hidden my jealousy (since I pastor a small church) of larger churches through little criticisms about their programming and impersonal atmosphere.  I will admit I was wrong.  There are a lot of great churches that are large, in fact we sent our kids on a mission trip with a larger churches youth group and they treated wonderfully.


However, there are a lot of great small churches as well.  There are benefits to being a part of a small church that can only be found in a small church.

1. People get to know your name; everyone gets to know your name. You don't get as close to everyone in a small church, but you do feel like Norm coming into Cheers, everyone knows your name.  In our day of having so many social interactions online, it is nice to have multi-generations say hello to you by using your name each week.       Part of the deal in a small church is that most of these people really care about you and will be there if you need them.  You may have heard it said that if you find a perfect church don't join it because you will just mess it up.  Every church has its warts, yet in a small church those warts are overshadowed by loving and supportive relationships.

2.  The smaller church needs your support, there are a lot of places to serve and try out your gifts and interests.  Many small churches have a leadership void.  They also have multiple needs and places to serve.  If you are wanting to put your faith into action, a small church can offer immediate places to use your gifts, try out interests and push your leadership limits.   Smaller churches can have leadership structures that take a while to break into, but that is because the people want to know you before they welcome you into leadership.  But don't you want to know and trust people who lead you as well?

3.  Pot-lucks, need I say more.    Smaller churches love to get together for pot-lucks.  If you have never been to a church pot-luck you have missed something spectacular.  If you don't know what a pot-luck is it is too wonderful to try to explain.  In fact you need to find a friend who goes to a small church and tell them to invite you to their next pot-luck.  People bringing their favorite home-made recipes, nothing goes together, but everything is delicious.  At our church people are known for their dishes, one will bring authentic tamales, one will bring a home-made pound cake, one will bring broccoli salad...the result is synergism at its finest. (And as a pastor often I get to take home left-overs...God is good!)

4.  Cross generational interaction for your family.  One of my favorite times of the week is about 30 minutes prior to Sunday School when I sit with several of the men of our church and visit.  My youngest son, who is 11 often comes and sits down with us and visits as well.  These men vary in age (all are older than me), treat my son with respect and dignity allowing him into their conversation.  All three of my kids have grown up in small Sunday School classes where they had individual attention and instruction.  My oldest child spent a year with a wonderful woman his grandmother’s age and they studied the Bible together for an hour each Sunday.  He was in 6th grade and loved every minute of his time with her.  Opportunities such as this are the norm in smaller churches.

5.  They are not 'cool', but Jesus hangs out at small churches.  Small churches do not have glitz and glamour; they are not where the cool kids or families go on Sunday morning.  Movers and shakers rarely attend smaller churches, but Jesus does.  Jesus was from a small and insignificant town and that means something special to me.  A small church, with all its warts is a place where real people open their hearts to Jesus and share their lives with each other.

I am happy to say that even though we have been in large and small churches, our family continues to love our little church where we worship with people we know, connect with our fellow Christ followers in a very personal way and serve the individual needs of the community we live in.  I think being members of a small church is one of the best things that has ever happened to our family.

Not Glamorous, Glorious - Real Spiritual Growth

If growing spiritually is part of your plan for 2015 there are three things that have to be involved.  I usually do not use absolutes and I feel very comfortable living in the grey areas of life, but in my experience if you do not have these three activities as part of your spiritual growth plan your growth will be severely limited.  The key in each area is commitment, not legalistically participating in each activity as if to earn God's favor, but an honest attempt to engage with God through these activities to learn God's favor.

Before I unveil the three essentials to spiritual growth I have to make a couple of observations.

Spiritual growth takes time it is like a long stroll, not a sprint.  Like anything that takes time, growing spiritually will have its setbacks, it will have both success and frustrations.  One author termed spiritual growth 'a long walk in the same direction.'  Don't rush it, don't feel pressure to perform, and most importantly don't give up.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

One of the quotes that informed and challenged my journey...

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

When It Doesn't Make Sense

Sometimes things can’t be explained.  Sure they can be talked about, reasoned through and even articulated correctly.  But you can’t explain it where the emotions, rational thought, reactions and will all line up and things are made to reconcile.  We know a sweet family who just lost their son.  He was a great kid, happy, fun, kind.  There is no rational reason he got sick and I can’t explain why he died. I remember this little boy on my flag football team, lining up with his hands in his pockets, ‘Get your hands out of your pockets and get ready to play’ I would bark at him.  He would smile and then go make a play.  I don’t really know what to do, or what to say when things like this happens.  I know the world suffered a loss on Sunday.  I know our little buddy is with God in heaven.  But my son and I still wonder why it had to happen to his friend…and can’t explain it.  In fact I am not trying to explain anything to my son; I am just hugging him a lot.  I think this may be what God does to us as well during these times and when we try to figure it all out we miss God's comfort.  It is times such as this that I go to the Bible for help with the inexplicable.  I was reading this morning and ran across this verse and it helped me be ok in not understanding.

[17] He rescued me from my strong enemy

and from those who hated me,

for they were too mighty for me.

[18] They confronted me in the day of my calamity,

but the LORD was my support.

[19] He brought me out into a broad place;

he rescued me, because he delighted in me.  (Psalm 18:17-19 ESV)

A. W. Tozer

Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth.  Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people.  He waits to be wanted.  Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain.

Do I Matter?

What a question to ask:  do I matter?  It is a loaded question but if we want to be all God created us to be, we have to ask it often.  A person with purpose and meaning can live through the most horrific times.  I recently watch Bridge on the River Quai, which is about a group of British P.O.W's in a Japanese prison camp.  In order to keep up morale, the British officers actually volunteered to build a bridge for the Japanese.  The work, the larger purpose of construction kept the prisoners focused on something larger than their bondage.

I love the quote from Fred Buechner, The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. Buechner beautifully identifies that our joy and the world's needs both have to be taken care of for us to make maximum impact...to matter.  He uses the illustration of someone serving as a doctor in a leper colony and hating it and someone writing TV deodorant commercials as people who are missing the mark of achieving meaning in the world.  The two key questions to wrestle with are:

• What makes my heart sing?


• What does my world need?

These two questions may take a long time to work out and the path that unfolds might be a new vocation.  May I give a bit of advice while you are getting there.  The obvious is don't quit your day job.  The less obvious is to start evaluating yourself at your current calling.  One way to do this is to have either a weekly or daily review by asking 4 important/meaning questions.

1.  What did I do today to communicate clearly with my boss and peers?

2.  Did I learn and grow professionally?

3.  Did I engage today with our organizations long-term goals in mind?

4.  Who did I thank or care for today?

I think if ever worker asked these goals each evening while they were planning their 'tomorrows' we would all be able to answer the question: do I matter?  Something else happens when we start taking these questions seriously, we prepare ourselves for our next assignment that is just around the corner.

Healing for the Healed - One Simple Step

I learned a new word today, iatrogenic.  Iatrogenic is a disease or illness that originates in the process of being healed.  Iatrogenic disease prevention is a huge concern for doctors, hospitals and rehab clinics all over the world because the body is particularly vulnerable to outside diseases when engaged in the process of being healed.  The health care profession has established rules, procedures and even internal advertising campaigns for care givers which attempt to eliminate iatrogenic diseases.

This new work got me to thinking...about the iatrogenic diseases in the church.  As we walk on the pathway following Jesus as healed persons, our soul can pick up some spiritual diseases. It seems that Jesus is talking about this in Luke 15 with his three parables, but especially in the parable of the prodigal son. Both the younger son and the older son are dealing with fatal iatrogenic diseases.  The younger son driven by wanderlust by the disease of thinking that life is better on the outside of faith and the older son driven by a good case of self-righteousness.

I have found a type of cure for this type of iatrogenic malady which we all pick up if we hang out in the church very long.  The cure is a simple, it is found in prayer, but a specific prayer know as the Jesus Prayer.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

This prayer originate with the desert fathers and mothers, is a combination of pleas made to Jesus by blind men (Mt 9.27, 20.30, Mark 10.47, Luke 18.38) the Canaanite women (Matthew 15.22) and some lepers (Luke 17.13).  It is prayer at is simplest form, intended to allow the prayer to connect with God simply throughout the day.

I have notice that if I do not pray this prayer for a while, as soon as I start praying I offend myself.  "Hey I am not that bad, I am saved by grace into a new life, a sinner, why can't I change that last phrase?"  That is the point, I do sin, I do pick up iatrogenic diseases (spiritually speaking) and I need to be healed from them, saved from them.  As far as I know, Jesus is the only one who as done much of anything to relieve my sin sickness so this simple prayer makes a lot of sense.

I was out running early this morning and with the rhythm of my strides prayed this prayer.  I have used this prayer as I walk, sometimes I go sit in our sanctuary for 20 minutes in quiet and pray the Jesus prayer.  Often when I am entering a hospital room to visit and pray with a church member, I whisper the Jesus prayer.   It is a good prayer and a wonderful anti-biotic for the iatrogenic diseases we pick up from time to time.

How you deal with the iatrogenic maladies your soul picks up along the way?

showing up or SHOWING UP

Are you going to show up today?  This is a question we each have to answer every day. Showing up is the first step to success.  You can stay in bed or you can get up and get out into the world.  But once you get out what are you going to do to contribute to the world. Are you going to just show up or SHOW UP with everything you have? There are two options when you show up, be there in body, or be there with all of who you are.

I have worked with a lot of people who have just shown up.  I have observed them in church, I have seen them at practice on the ball fields, I have noticed them out in restaurants.  I have been one.  The difference between showing up and SHOWING UP is evident to everyone around us, an obvious trait.  The penalty of just showing up is missing out on life, missing out on the contribution we can make and receive in life.  That is a big deal.

We each are created in the image of God and have something to bring, to add, to contribute.  When we don't we cheat ourselves and others. When we SHOW UP and engage life happens.  SHOW UP and change the world, we need you and you need we!

The Power of a Routine

[caption id="attachment_377" align="alignleft" width="225"] Taken on day 1 of new morning routine[/caption]

No one can create more time, it is impossible. I do think that we, especially me, can use time more efficiently. While on vacation I was trying to eliminate hurry from my life and was a bit overwhelmed. I read two different blog posts that helped me start the process of changing my behavior. One post was on the Art of Manliness blog, the other on Michael Hyatt’s blog. They both dealt with the power of having a morning and evening routine.

T.H.R.I.V.E. - Gaining INSIGHT from Others

The 4th component to thriving in a vocation or ministry setting is gaining INSIGHT from people who are ahead of me on the path.  This summer my son and I climbed Mt. Bierstadt.  About 250' from the summit the path disappears and you have to navigate boulders to get to the top.  Now I know 250' does not sound very far, but this is 250' straight up in the air, with no visible path.  My son had long left me and was waiting for me at the summit, and all I had to guide me were a few folks who were ahead of me on the mountain.

Focus on Strengths or Weakness?

Take the 14 or so minutes to watch this, it might change your life! Playing to your strengths is not a cop out, it is a strategy for excellence.

How to Identify What I Should do! T.H.R.I.V.E Part 3

I have been thinking a lot about my responsibilities in life. How in the world can I THRIVE as a pastor and as a person without defining what I am supposed to do with my time. I have always been a goal driven individual, and then when I entered the local parish over 6 years ago, the ‘tyranny of the urgent’ took over how I spent my time.

I have finally broken free from trying to please everyone because I realized I never will and started to focus on my responsibilities. What am I supposed to be doing with my time?

How to Keep a Joyful and Nourished Heart. T.H.R.I.V.E Part 2

The life of the Pastor can be brutal. My wife was listening to a Christian talk-show where a former pastor had left the ministry for the business world and was so adamant about never returning to the pastorate. He was angry and although not directly, he blamed the church for his departure. I have been in ministry almost two decades and have seen some harshness in the church, however I have never seen a minister leave their post where there was complete blame on the church. The reality is that we ministers have a responsibility to keep a joyful and nourished heart no matter what our circumstances are. This takes effort and toughness, and it will pay off with a stronger ministry and a happier life. Sometimes we make things way too difficult in the Christian life. Keep it simple, sacred and sincere and good things follow.

1. Forgive quickly - Look church work is hard and people will harm us. People will say things to your spouse that are inappropriate and judge your kids with completely unrealistic criteria. This is wrong and it hurts, yet we have a command to forgive those who harm us, especially those in the church. If we don’t we won’t be able to experience forgiveness.

 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22 ESV)

Be quick to forgive others and your family will love your new attitude. Sometimes this means standing in front of a mirror, opening your palms and saying… ‘Lord I forgive _____, and let go of the wrong they did to me.’ (And then repeating the process daily until your emotions line up with your will.)

2. Pray often - Brother Lawrence wrote his book about practicing the presence of God when he was cleaning kitchens and toilets.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.(John 15:5 ESV)

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. (John 15:11 ESV)

Church work is hard and life in the role of a minister is beyond our ability. We do not have enough skills or abilities to do God’s business. However when we pray, when we listen to God we remember that it is God’s work and it is fun.

Teresa of Avila once said that God is not really silent, we are just deaf. Nothing brings joy to our hearts and energy to our work like spending time with God. Make prayer the center of every task, meeting and visit. A prayer before working on a sermon, a prayer on the way to a hospital visit or stopping the board meeting to prayer reminds us God is in charge and we need to listen. (This also takes a lot of pressure off!)

3. Work Hard - One of the hardest jobs I had was working at a Baptist Encampment. The hours were long and in the off-season the tasks were dirty and exhausting. However each night I went home feeling the glow of putting in a full days work and knowing I had accomplished a task. There is nothing more rewarding than working hard, however in the church so much of our time is responding to needs that it is easy to look back at our day and wonder what we accomplished. I think following a work-flow system is essential, whatever it is…I still love Covey’s 7Habits and don’t think you can beat it. If you don’t plan the work you will do, you won’t do it and there is nothing worse than going home wondering if you made any difference or accomplished a thing. Take an afternoon and plan how you are going to plan. Hard work brings joy!

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.(Colossians 3:17 ESV)

4. Use Trusted Counsel - being able to pick up the phone and call someone to talk about our ministry issues is not just a good idea, it is healthy as well. I have a couple of trusted mentors that I talk with a couple times a year. They have given me great insight without being judgmental and more often than not give me questions to wrestle with.In fact I am still in ministry because a friend took me out to Braums, bought me an ice cream and asked me point blank, ‘Has God removed your call from the ministry.’ Having someone who has been through the same things we deal with in ministry to talk with on a consistent basis is awesome. Consider getting a coach or mentor to help you walk through some issues. (Be ready to buy their lunch or pay them something for their time and expertise if this moves beyond an occasional call). Your denomination probably has some folks who are trained and ready to help you along.

Realize you are not alone and you can have a nourished and joyful heart in the midst of the most difficult ministry seasons. What would you add to this list?